Becoming a parent inevitably increases feelings of guilt.

The first questions we ask ourselves come from the fear of not being enough. Will I be good enough? Will I be present enough? Questions that only time will answer, based on everyday decisions.

After realizing the moment and processing how fortunate you are to become a parent, one of the almost automatic questions that arises is about work. Do I want to dedicate myself to career or family? Let’s analyze.

The false dilemma

Is career more important or family? And what does it even mean to build a career?
Earning a lot? That can also be achieved with a non-prestigious job. Holding an important position? How do you define “important”? And you (should) still be able to achieve it even as a parent.

There are no answers, only personal opinions.

Having become a father at $29$, I had to decide how to allocate the next $20$ years of my path. Where to go.

So the clash is between: the child will grow up and once grown will go their own way, and at that point it will be too late to build a career;
if I build a career now, when they grow up I will have all the resources needed to make them happy. Maybe everything will be a bit less difficult thanks to financial means and connections.

Scenario 1

But a career might not come, or might come late, for many other reasons. What happens then? My child will have grown up anyway. And what makes a person happier? A father who created memories and shared experiences together, or financial resources and connections?
Let’s imagine a great job position, but to achieve it I missed my child’s first steps, their first words, and maybe I wasn’t there for their first experiences because I had to solve problems. Often someone else’s problems, or at least not truly urgent ones.

Scenario 2

The other side of the coin is the fear of being dissatisfied with your job later on.
My child has grown up, I enjoyed every moment, they are well-mannered, curious, and doing well. They start to develop their own interests, maybe they are talented at something and ask to study at one of the most expensive universities or places in the world as an investment in their future and, given a “standard” position, I would have to struggle a lot to afford it. At the same time, if I think about how much can change in twenty years, maybe universities won’t even exist anymore, or maybe they won’t want to study there. Who knows.

What matters

But from my perspective, if everything ended now, what would make me more satisfied?
Being recognized as a great professional or a great father? When will they realize all the efforts and sacrifices made to be a good parent?

There is no right answer, given that there are too many variables to consider, each weighing differently for everyone.
To answer, in this period of uncertainty about the future, I chose to prioritize the most “certain” thing: my child will grow up.
And in the end, only my family will remember when I worked late, or when I was absent because I couldn’t mentally disconnect. So I’m trying to enjoy every single moment and every centimeter gained by my little man.

Currently, and for who knows how long, I am a software developer. I mainly work remotely.
Working from home with a growing child? Pros and cons here as well. This field is demanding, because it requires time.
Time for a side project, studying, reading, studying, studying. Attending events, writing. And this time keeps shrinking.

The paradox

However, I believe that a parent is also a better professional. Or rather, being a parent can make you a better professional.
You learn to anticipate, you learn to take care. You learn that you have little time to do things and you might not be able to come back to them later.
Time fragments, so you can’t afford to lose ideas or details. You learn to take notes! I’m known for making lists about anything: projects to do, books to read, videos to catch up on. Essentially, you learn to optimize.
And this only happens if, deep down, you still want to build a career, at least as personal growth.

Growing a child is like shooting an arrow: “You can only aim, draw, and let go. Once you release it, all you can do is watch and understand whether you did a good job.”

For me, it’s time to take aim.